A Weekend with the Wills

A Weekend with the Wills

This morning I woke up with a sense of fearlessness along with a sense of lightness, freedom and a healthy buzz of energy. I think it’s the effect of the Divine Wills’ energies.

Author: Lily | Monday, January 21, 2008 at 10:37 PM

This morning I woke up with a sense of fearlessness along with a sense of lightness, freedom and a healthy buzz of energy. I think it’s the effect of the Divine Wills’ energies.

Over the weekend, I was at a mind-blowing, body-sensing, heart-pulling, and soul-touching 2-day Divine Will workshop facilitated by KB at Lightworks. It was absolutely intense, energetically speaking. The physical symptoms I had been suppressing for the past two weeks all came up one by one. During the past two week, I kept resisting the headaches, tummy aches and all sorts of physical discomforts because I had a lot to do and had places to go - I couldn’t afford to fall ill. Yes, you can do that, tamper down the symptoms of falling ill. But let me tell you, when it comes, it comes like a floodgate thrown opened. And you can only hold on for so long, because often you’d feel like you are about to explode, which in a way you would.

Energy High
What happened was this: because working with the Wills meant opening up to its energies, the mind, body, spirit and heart must be opened to receive. I was feeling OK on Saturday when I started on the first and second Journeys which was about aligning the Earth Self to the Soul.

For that we have to prep the Self up to receive. At first I thought it’s just some sort of formality when the meditation lead towards Opening to Receive. So I followed suit, thinking it was just some flowery meditative text. My symbol for that was to turn my palms upward.

And receive did I, those energies. Nope, all those words to guide us on our journeys weren’t simply poetic expressions. Each and every word had a purpose. And when it said Open to Receive, that’s exactly what it was – so get ready for the waterfall of energies – which I wasn’t prepared for! v

By the time I completed the Second Journey, which was still at the preparation stage, I could feel the energy sashaying down in waves. My chakras were spinning wildly. It still felt good then. I was thrilled to meet my Soul Family as I recognized their energies.

But hmm…what was the underlying very dull and fatigued feeling?

Same Journey, Different Routes
Then the Journey started. For the first Ray, I expected it to be a strong bolt although I didn’t feel that same feeling when I did it the first time, and was slightly disappointed. When it came to calling for the discs on the crown and bottom of the spine, it felt as if a thick bolt was screwed at the sides of my head with energy buzzing between them. I was like, Ok…strong head pressures – that’s unusual.

Next, I was looking forward to Unify. It’s my favourite as it gives off a spa sensation. While it was much more feminine and gentle than the first one, it was no less powerful. Again the spinning sensations came again. I couldn’t sit at one position for long. I was shifting myself left and right, feeling aches and tiredness all over. I was completely distracted by my physical discomforts. Suddenly the journeys didn’t feel so much fun anymore.

By the third Journey, I couldn’t sit up any longer. My shoulder was stiff, my spine was achy. So I meditated lying on the floor. I thought that would be better. But this time, I drifted in and out of nothingness. I was sleeping but not sleeping. I couldn’t follow KB’s guiding voice anymore. And I was feeling restless all throughout.

Here’s when I realized, oh God, today my Higher Guides really meant business. It’s not sandbox mode anymore. At this point, the overall energy had a very strong sense of purpose. The volume had been turned on 3x higher. I found myself needing to notch myself up to fit the frequency. Oh no, it wasn’t the basic, elementary level anymore, it hit me. These guys were showing me the real deal.

In the midst of Will 3, I kept getting gentle nudges, let go, let go. I was still trying to control the symptoms you see, because I kept on the belief that I cannot afford to fall sick, not on my workshop days! Thing was, the more I resisted and closed down parts of me, afraid of losing control, the energy that came up cannot go through. And it manifested into aches.

When we got to Will 4 Harmonize, I was a wreck. Totally off my grid. Evolve tends to shake me out of my solid rock control systems. And man, did it. 3x stronger. I needed to keep bringing myself back to center, to stay still. But the physical aches were getting a bit too much. I couldn’t concentrate, and had no mood at all to participate in the sharing sessions. My throat started to dry up and hurt and I was getting chills and aches.

By the time I got to Will 5 Act, I really wished KB would just let us go home. I was nauseated by then and couldn’t really take on another Journey. But, nope, looked like whatever it was, we had to do the 5th one. I was getting anxious by then – too much energy – afraid I would really lose control. Yes, I was still resisting all the ‘odd’ things that were happening physically. So to calm myself, I told myself, I’d just rest and not follow the Journey. I slipped into a momentarily deep sleep and couldn’t remember a single thing. But at that time, my head felt like it was going to explode.

Anyway, I was really glad when it was over for that day. I had never had inner work this intense before. I was joking with my sis that I was at a soul boot camp.

Working It Out
By the end of Saturday, after the first 5 Wills, my mental state felt similar to the time when I took 3 exams for STPM. I’m not sure if it’s just me. Others looked rather calm and relaxed to me, although there’s ambience of seriousness, which I saw as an earnestness of each one of us to really learn the Wills.

But I couldn’t eat or sleep when I got home. I was weak all over and by the wee hours in the morning, I was burning up with high fever. And Panadol didn’t help.

That got me so depressed because I really wanted to finish up Sunday’s class. But looking at my condition, I was pretty sure I couldn’t make it. What to do? What to do? I really had no more energy to control. And so, I surrendered. Apathy can sometimes help. No more worrying whether the fever will let up. I allowed my symptoms to pop up while asking Raphael and Azrael to hold a space of comfort and resilience so I could get through those discomforts. Then I fell asleep.

I never realized how powerful that request was.

Because at 8 when I woke up, eventhough I was still burning up with fever, I actually felt strong enough to make my way to Lightworks. Under normal circumstances, I would have probably crashed. So I knew I was having extra help. I doubled the space of comfort up by calling to Michael, Raphael and Azrael again, cleansing my energy field with my quartzes and bringing along my trusty grounding tourmaline stone. So off I went to another day of intense energy work. Yes, it all helped, I was so grateful. All this also helped me build up the faith and confidence that Universal help is always readily available. Ask and it is given, especially so when it’s for the highest purpose.

Hot for the Wills
By Sunday I was doing all the DW journeys with a temperature of 39°C – high fever according to my doctor (yes eventually after the class I went straight to the doctor – whether or not they were detox symptoms, better not push it since I was feeling completely weak). I’m glad I went through Sunday. It certainly looked like my Soul was adamant that Earth Lily completed the Initiations!

The first thing I did before the class started was to conserve energy and ground myself. I meditated for a few minutes and that helped a lot. Will 6 Cause actually moved in to soften the effects down. I felt better. Will 7 was good too – I had always enjoyed working with the Sacred Violet Flame. I guess these two Wills were easier because I wasn’t holding on to anything much anymore, since I was already feeling sick anyway. No need propping myself up for perfect health anymore.

But the rest of the Journeys was hard on my system. I was thinking, how much more I would enjoy the workshop if it weren’t for the fever. Now I realized it was all part of the process. It was all an energy detox and integration episode for me. Throughout the 12 journeys, I could feel the energy shifting from my crown, ajna (third eye), all the way to my lower abdomens. The energy was going up and down, up and down. Good news was I discovered a way to ease up the resistance using my breath. All in all, the key was releasing and surrendering with trust that the Soul knows what she’s doing.

The Lion in Me
Hence, this sense of fearlessness this morning. I learned if we can trust and release, we’d see how the Earth Self isn’t the only one in the evolution process, blindly alone in the Journey. We are supported 24-7. This fearlessness is an inner security, knowing that the Universe is safe enough.

This fearlessness, also meant I have found the courage to acknowledge all of me: the good, the bad and the ugly. It is being willing to be vulnerable, giving up control and recognizing everything the personality is. Because we are not in this alone. There’s help within and without. Remember we have an entire team of Ray Masters as well as our Soul Family and the angels.

I found it strange why what manifested for me were mostly physical discomforts. Usually I would feel it emotionally first. I would feel the energies as love, power, joy – all the full range. At this workshop, it was just a monotonous feeling – apart from being annoyed and worried and anxious about what’s happening in my body.

I can see it now. This is the best part about journaling. Insights come in nicely. I know that I have always been tuned in to my emotional and mental body more – I feel connected to them more than I do with my body. As I have written in my previous blog post, it’s time to honor my body. I do think it’s a manifestation of that intention. To be whole, mind, body spirit must be connected. This workshop made me pay full attention to whatever that was going on physically. Truly, many levels of growth were at full spin during the weekend.

Room to Flow
For me, the two-day workshop was more like an Initiation, rather than a study session. Some had been wondering why I wanted to attend it considering I already knew how to work with the Wills and making good progress with it. I didn’t know why either. When I first started on the Wills, I knew it was just a teaser. Intuitively I knew that there were more to the Wills for me.

I went to class with zero expectations but with a strange sense of anxiety, as if there was an impending change. True enough, as I reflect now, it was about integrating the energies of the Rays within my Self. What this workshop did for me was to hold a space for me to connect more directly with my Soul so that the energies of the rays could be transmitted to me.

I couldn’t do that on my own. An energy space is best held through a group. So everyone who was there wasn’t a mere coincidence. I recognized who they were – some were energetically familiar. Many of them were already highly evolved and well along their path of evolution. There were teachers and healers among them. Some were already very tuned into their clairs and many of them radiated inner strength and a sense of purpose. Already, the energy showed this wasn’t elementary level. Subdued as it may seem to be, I felt it was more like quiet intensity.

On my side, that was just what I needed – a safe supportive space to receive the energies of the Rays. I recognize the service of everyone to me as I am to them. KB, being the facilitator, created an effective and beautiful space to allow the flow of energies between heaven and earth and for us to create a spiritual connection with each other. The others contributed to strengthen the space by being the light that they were, with their unique qualities and talents that they hold within them.

So, in my experience, the objective of the workshop for me wasn’t learning about the Wills. But I enjoyed all the textual descriptions because there were really many things I wasn’t aware about! I especially enjoyed the parts from RLP and Alice Bailey about the 7 Rays. And to be frank, I still haven’t properly grasped the intellectual concepts for Will 5 and Will 6 just yet.

It was more of an energetic attunement for me. All throughout I could sense my Higher Guides, my angels surrounding me, giving me strong nudges to open myself more, drop my resistances and take in the energy.

In terms of inner energy, I could feel myself almost at the max limit, somewhat like, if I went one more step further, I would completely pass out. I felt as if my head was going to explode and my ajna was throbbing continuously throughout. I had never had my Higher Guides work this hard on me before. I kept mentally saying, gently now, gently now. And I kept hearing, you can do it, you can do it. Hence the push and pull within my physical body.

And they knew I could do it. Deep down I knew I could go further as well, yet I was just so afraid of losing control – like perhaps I would faint, fly to lalaland, never come back and go crazy. It sounds totally amusing as I type this out now.

But let me tell you, this fear is very prominent in my life. I am afraid to ‘see’ although I know I could. I am afraid to recognize the voices that nudge at the edge of my mind. I am afraid of speaking the wisdoms that could have never come from my Earth Self. I am afraid to land on the higher realms even though I am already at the threshold. It’s always a peek-a-boo game with my clairs and my spiritual abilities. Sometimes I want it and sometimes I fear it. And all that was hitting on my ajna (third eye) really hard. This was my resistance. But I know, and my whole spiritual team knows I can do it. I realize now that if there’s one thing that I am not expressing, it is my spiritual side. Until I can completely embrace that I would always feel frustrated within.

Will I Am
As I pen this now, I have a completely different view of the Rays. All throughout the many Journeys, there was one consistent theme for me. It’s a strong feeling that it wasn’t learning something new. It was more like reclaiming back what I have forgotten. I felt as if I was taking back the ‘tools of power’ that my Higher Guides were safeguarding for me until I am ready and consciously intend to claim it back. Call me arrogant, but the way I experience it is as if I am not ‘requesting’ these powers from the 7 Great Ones. When I call on them, I felt as if I am reclaiming back my birthright. When I connect and request for the powers, I am integrating with my Higher Self for my natural skills that had been dormant all this time. Simple as that. Now I know why the Wills feel so familiar as if I have worked with them before, because I had!

I understand that these are merely pure energies, ready for me to create something with them. It’s like writing skills – I have them, but it doesn’t mean I would always use these skills to write. Essentially it is a tool for communication. I can still communicate verbally. Or I need not necessary write articles or novels – I could just express this natural skill through poetry or lyrics. Or perhaps I don’t want to use words at all. I could make my ideas visual instead.

Like the essence of writing skills, which is to communicate ideas, the essence of the DW energies is ultimately for transformation. How I am going to use these energies is all up to me. And that’s my next step in working with the DWs. I am excited to explore what I am going to do with them. Right now, it feels as if I have just got a new set of Playdoh, and it’s waiting there for me to form something beautiful with it.

Yes, I can feel the energies of the Wills integrated within me. It’s not the end of it of course, it would continue to evolve and grow as I grow and evolve. And like KB said, it can only grow more in power when we make use of it – or else I would ‘lose’ it like I had once upon a time ago…

It’s a beautiful process how the Divine Wills turned out for me. Before, during the first phase when I tried out the DWs on my own, it felt more like ‘borrowing’ the energy to test it out. They were familiar, yet I didn’t feel connected to them deeply.

But now I do. Because now the Rays are part of me as I am part of them.

At the back of the additional information manual prepared by KB, he put this down in big bold words.

‘Take a moment to say:
“I AM the soul. I AM the Divine Self. I AM Divine Will. I AM!”'

And that’s precisely what the Divine Will is for me. I Am, in fact, the Divine Will itself.

Published by Lily  

 
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